13 Tax Jokes and Quotes

Like death, paying taxes is inevitable. In the case of most Americans, tax season is just around the corner. If only paying taxes was so easy.

As you begin pulling out those receipts, the eraser and reading plain English tax instructions that Einstein couldn’t figure out, you’re going to need a good laugh. Here you go:

1. I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.
2. People who complain about taxes can be divided into two classes: men and women.
3. Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten.
4. The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
5. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.
6. A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.
7. Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form.
8. What's the difference between a mosquito and an IRS agent? One is a bloodsucking parasite, the other is an insect.
9. It would be nice if we could all pay our taxes with a smile, but normally cash is required.
10. The government deficit is the difference between the amounts of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.
11. Taxes: Of life's two certainties, the only one for which you can get an automatic extension.
12. What Mae West said about sex is true about taxes. All tax cuts are good tax cuts; even bad tax cuts are good tax cuts,
13. The federal income tax system is a disgrace to the human race. - Jimmy Carter

If nothing else, it is good to know that a former President of the United States feels the same way about taxes as you. If only someone would agree to a flat tax, millions of Americans could dispense with the aggravation and stress of filing taxes each year.

About the author:
Richard A. Chapo is with BusinessTaxRecovery.com
- providing information on taxes.

Choosing A Stock Broker

Unless you are a stock broker yourself, you might need to hire a broker to handle your investments for you. Brokers are the people who work for brokerage houses and can buy and sell stock on the stock exchange. A lost of people wonder if they really need a broker. The answer is yes. You must have a broker if you plan to buy or sell stocks on the stock exchange.

Most brokers have a background in business or finance, with a Bachelors or more advanced degree. In order to obtain their license, stockbrokers are required to pass two different tests, which are pretty difficult.

Often times people don’t understand the between a broker and a stock market analyst. A stock broker is only there to follow your instructions to either buy or sell stocks; they do not analyze stocks. On the other hand, an analyst literally analyzes the stock market, and predicts what it will or will not do, or how specific stocks will perform.

Most brokers earn their income from commissions on sales. When you tell your broker to buy or sell a stock, they earn a certain percentage of the transaction. Many brokers charge a flat ‘per transaction’ fee.

There are two kinds of brokers: Discount brokers and full service brokers.
Discount brokers typically do not offer any advice and do no research – they just do as you ask them to do, without all of the bells and whistles.
Full service brokers can usually offer more types of investments, may provide you with investment advice, and is usually paid in commissions.

When it comes to brokers, the biggest decision you must make is usually whether to use a full service broker or a discount broker.

If you are new to investing, you may need to go with a full service broker to make sure you are making wise investment decisions. Full service brokers offer you the skill that you lack at this point. On the other hand, if you already have enough knowledgeable about the stock market, all you really need is a discount broker who will make your trades for you.

By: Andrew Walker
The author is a freelance writer. He has written articles for financial websites
such as Cash Advance Guide cashadvance101.com, Mortgage Guide etc.

Indian stocks: What to enter and what to exit

The markets opened with modest gap up today on account of some buying seen in the Sensex heavyweights like SBI, Reliance, ONGC and Infosys. Market breadth was seen positive.Sensex was up 80 points at 14009 and Nifty was up 20 points at 4140. Experts who spoke to CNBC-TV18, had Banking, Steel and Sugar sectors foremost on their minds. Here's how they view the sectors:

Sugar Sector

Sugar sector has been news for quite some time owing to the political upheaval in Uttar Pradesh. On sugar, Anand Tandon of Gryffon Investment Advisors says that there are no fundamental reasons to buy sugar yet. “There could be political reasons and some expected sops but that aside, the companies cannot make money on selling sugar at least in the near-term”

Sudarshan Sukhani of Technical Trends is long on Bajaj Hindustan and Balrampur Chini. He believes that the ideal time to buy is when the sector is in the dumps and when all fundamental analysts will say that sugar will never go up. However he adds that “This is not a trading call, this is something that I am looking at for the next one or two years”

Steel Sector

On this sector Anand Tandon feels that the outlook is somewhat mixed with the international prices being reasonably firm and the general outlook of the companies also continuing to remain firm. “From that point of view maybe there is a reason to hold on to some of these stocks but you have to remember that all said and done, it is a cyclical industry,” warns Tandon.

However, Atul Suri of Marathon Trends puts his bet on this sector. "I think steel has been one of the really quiet performers, no one talks about it but lot of wealth has been created" he states.

Banking Sector

Banking is another sector which have been doing well for the past few trading sessions. Q4 numbers from the banking industry were in line with street expectations. Net interest income and net profit for the banking sector as a whole increased by 25% and 15.3% respectively in Q4 FY07. A lot of people have been arguing that more value is found in PSU banks right now and for the first time people have started believing that it is better place to be in than private sector banks.

Anand Tandon seconds this thought saying that the PSU banks have had the biggest knock and therefore suffered the most with the fears of interest rates going up. “From that point of view therefore offer significant value” The private sector banks on the other hand will be in play over the next few quarters as it becomes clearer that some of the international players maybe allowed to invest in India.

Sudarshan Sukhani feel that the charts of the private sector banks suggest that the final up moves are still to come. Though he adds that "I am a big fan of PSU banks so to me all the charts looks good,”

Media sector

Lately there has been a lot of activity in the media and entertainment sector. With Brokerage firms like UBS are betting on the Indian media sector, they feel that the Indian media stocks will continue to trade at premium valuations, given their high growth potential over the long term and strong growth in the near to medium term.
Anand Tandon feels that valuations are not cheap but looking at growth, the valuations have to be factored in and the numbers, which are fairly large, will take some years from now. That is what the media companies are reflecting at this stage.

Tehran Stock Exchange ( TSE)

The idea of having a well-organized stock market and to speed up the process of industrialization of the country dates back to 1930's when Bank Melli Iran started a study about the subject. A report completed in 1936 worked out the details for the formation of a stock market and laid down the preliminary foundation to proceed with the plan.
The outbreak of the World War II and subsequent economic and political events delayed the establishment of the stock exchange upto the year 1967 when the Stock Exchange Act was ratified.

The Tehran Stock Exchange opened in April 1968. Initially only Government bonds and certain State-backed certificates were traded in the market. During 1970's the demand for capital boosted the demand for stocks. At the same time institutional changes like the transfer of shares of public companies and large private firms owned by families, to the employees and the private sector led to the expansion of the stock market activity. The restructuring of the economy following the Islamic Revolution expanded public sector control over the economy and reduced the need for private capital. At the same time the abolishment of interest-bearing bonds terminated their presence in the stock market. As a result of these events, Tehran Stock Exchange started a period of standstill.

This stop came to an end in 1989 with the revitalization of the private sector through privatization of state-owned enterprises and promotion of private sector economic activity based on the First Five-year Development Plan of the country. Since then the Stock Exchange has expanded continuously.
The TSE Council is the highest authority in the stock exchange. State officials as well as the private sector representatives and specialists are members of the Council. The Governor of the Central Bank presides over the Council. Other constituent organs of TSE are Acceptance Committee, Arbitration Board and Brokers Organization. The Board of Directors of the latter is the highest policy-making authority in TSE and appoints the secretary general as the chief executive officer, CEO, for a period of two years. Re-appointment is permitted without any restriction. There are two Senior Deputies acting under the Secretary General who are responsible for economic and technical affairs and administration and finance respectively.

Trading in TSE is based on orders sent by the brokers.
Trading hours are 09:00-12:30 Saturday to Wednesday, with the exception of public holidays. A CDS is operating in TSE and clearing process is automated.
TSE Services Company, TSESC, who is in charge of computerized site, supplies computer Services. Presently,TSE trades mainly in securities offered by listed companies. The introduction of project-based participation certificates that bear a fixed annual return during the period of the project and promise the final settlement of the profit at the date of its completion, has diversified the market.
TSE is a full member of FIBV, a founding member of Federation of Euro-Asian Stock Exchanges (FEAS). TSESC is a member of ANNA